
We'll Meet Again
Coming Out
Season 1 Episode 6 | 53m 7sVideo has Closed Captions
Join Ann Curry as those who met during the early days of the gay rights movement reunite.
Join Ann Curry as those whose lives were changed by the early days of the gay rights movement reunite. Tom wants to find the childhood friend who urged him to come out, while Paul seeks a fellow student who inspired him to stand up for his beliefs.
Problems with Closed Captions? Closed Captioning Feedback
Problems with Closed Captions? Closed Captioning Feedback
We'll Meet Again
Coming Out
Season 1 Episode 6 | 53m 7sVideo has Closed Captions
Join Ann Curry as those whose lives were changed by the early days of the gay rights movement reunite. Tom wants to find the childhood friend who urged him to come out, while Paul seeks a fellow student who inspired him to stand up for his beliefs.
Problems with Closed Captions? Closed Captioning Feedback
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Learn Moreabout PBS online sponsorshipANN CURRY, VOICEOVER: A YOUNG MAN GROWING UP IN THE 1960s WITH A DEEP SECRET.
TO BE GAY WAS TO BE THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD.
LOOKING FOR THE FIRST PERSON HE CAME OUT TO.
SHE ACCEPTED ME UNCONDITIONALLY.
I WANTED TO LET HER KNOW THAT I TURNED OUT REALLY OK. AND THE STUDENT LEADER WHO STOOD UP TO HOMOPHOBIC ATTACKS.
MAN: THE GOVERNOR WROTE, "WE WILL NOT TOLERATE SEXUAL DEVIANTS AND FILTH."
SEARCHING FOR THE GAY ACTIVIST WHO FOUGHT FOR EQUALITY AND MADE HIM REALIZE IT WAS OK TO BE DIFFERENT.
I NEED TO LET HIM KNOW THAT HE HELPED CHANGE MY LIFE.
CHARLIE PUTH: ♪ WE'VE COME A LONG WAY ♪ ANN, VOICE-OVER: THE TIDES OF HISTORY HAVE THROWN STRANGERS TOGETHER... PUTH: ♪ I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN ♪ AND TORN LOVED ONES APART.
PUTH: ♪ WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN ♪ NOW THE SEARCH IS ON... WE'RE GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER.
OH, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
TO BRING THEM TOGETHER AGAIN.
LOOK AT YOU!
I NEED A REAL HUG.
PUTH: ♪ WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN ♪ BEFORE THE 1970s, BEING GAY IN AMERICA MEANT FACING WIDESPREAD DISCRIMINATION.
TO COME OUT WAS TO RISK EVERYTHING-- FAMILY, JOBS, SAFETY, EVEN JAIL.
AND FOR TWO YOUNG MEN GROWING UP IN NEW ENGLAND, LIVING A LIFE OUT OF THE CLOSET WAS ONLY POSSIBLE BECAUSE OF THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED THEM OPEN THE DOOR.
MAN: AND THAT'S A PICTURE OF ME AND MY DAD.
AND THIS IS MARLA.
ANN: OH, LOOK AT HER.
AND THAT WAS A PARK UP IN AVON MOUNTAIN.
A LOT OF US WOULD GO UP THERE AND HIKE AND HAVE PICNICS AND STUFF.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: TOM DiCIACCIO WAS BORN IN 1950 NEAR HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT.
AND MY PARENTS WERE FIRST-GENERATION EUROPEAN-- FATHER, ITALIAN; MOTHER, IRISH.
I HAD A VERY RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND, VERY CATHOLIC.
LOT OF OUR FATHERS AND HAIL MARYS.
HMM.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
WENT TO MASS EVERY SUNDAY.
WENT TO CATECHISM ON SATURDAY, CONFESSION ON SATURDAY EVENING.
SUNDAYS.
SATURDAY EVENINGS YOU WENT-- SATURDAY EVENING.
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS MORE HOLY DAYS AND MORE SAINTS THAN YOU COULD IMAGINE.
I HAD NO IDEA.
BUT WE WERE AT CHURCH FOR ALL OF THEM.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: GROWING UP IN A STRICT CATHOLIC HOUSEHOLD MEANT THAT TOM WAS UNDER PRESSURE TO CONFORM, TO MARRY, TO RAISE A FAMILY.
BUT BY 1963, AS HE ENTERED HIS TEENS, HE BEGAN TO REALIZE HE WASN'T THE SAME AS OTHER BOYS.
AT WHAT POINT DID YOU REALIZE THAT YOU WERE GAY?
I WAS PROBABLY ABOUT 13.
AND I HAD A DREAM ABOUT ANOTHER BOY AT SCHOOL.
AND I RAN DOWN THE NEXT MORNING AND LOOKED UP IN THE DICTIONARY "HOMOSEXUAL."
WHAT DID THE DICTIONARY SAY?
SOME KIND OF A SEXUAL ATTRACTION TO MEN.
AND THERE WAS SOME KIND OF CLASSIFICATION OF MENTAL ILLNESS.
AND I SAYS, "WELL, NOBODY'S LIKE THAT.
"I CAN'T BE LIKE THAT BECAUSE THERE'S NOBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD LIKE THAT."
AND TO BE GAY WAS TO BE...
THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: IN THE EARLY 1960s, HOMOSEXUALITY WAS WIDELY CONSIDERED TO BE BOTH A MENTAL ILLNESS AND A CRIMINAL ACT.
MAN: IMPRESSIONABLE CHILDREN SHOULD BE WARNED ABOUT THE DANGERS THAT FACE THEM.
THERE MAY BE SOME HERE TODAY THAT WILL BE HOMOSEXUAL IN THE FUTURE.
WHAT WOULD THIS DO TO YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER?
THINK ABOUT IT.
AND YOU WILL BE CAUGHT.
DON'T THINK YOU WON'T BE CAUGHT.
AND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WILL BE A LIVING HELL.
TOM: BACK THEN THEY EQUATED GAY WITH BEING A CHILD MOLESTER.
SO YOU DIDN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT.
IT WAS SUCH A SHAMEFUL, SHAMEFUL THING.
THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD HAVE GONE TO MY PARENTS WITH THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN WORSE THAN THAT.
TO SAY THAT YOU WERE GAY.
YES.
WELL, THIS IS MY GRADUATION PICTURE.
BY THIS TIME, I KNEW I WAS VERY, VERY DIFFERENT.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: UNABLE TO DISCUSS HIS SEXUALITY WITH HIS DEEPLY RELIGIOUS PARENTS, TOM WAS DESPERATE TO FIND A WAY TO FIX WHAT HE HAD BEEN CONDITIONED TO BELIEVE WAS A MENTAL ILLNESS.
I WAS DEALING WITH ALL THIS TURMOIL IN MY GUT.
I FIGURED A PSYCHIATRIST WOULD CERTAINLY KNOW ABOUT THESE DISEASES OF THE BRAIN.
I LOOKED UP IN THE YELLOW PAGES A PSYCHIATRIST TO GO SEE IN WEST HARTFORD.
I WENT ON MY OWN, DIDN'T TELL A SOUL.
AND I TELL HIM WHY I'M THERE AND THESE ARE MY FEELINGS.
HE SAYS, "WELL, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS," AND HE WOULD DESCRIBE SOME KIND OF A SEX ACT OR SOMETHING REALLY OFF THE WALL AND CRAZY.
I SAID, "NO.
AND HE SAID, "WE COULD START A PLAN STARTING NEXT TIME YOU'RE HERE..." "AND IT'LL CURE YOU."
HE SAID, "WE'LL START ELECTRIC SHOCK TREATMENTS."
"AND THAT'LL MAKE YOU BETTER."
ANN, VOICE-OVER: ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY WAS SIMILAR TO THE TREATMENT IN THIS FILM, BUT THE SUBJECTS WERE ALSO SHOWN IMAGES OF GAY PORNOGRAPHY.
THE THEORY WAS THAT THEY WOULD ASSOCIATE PAIN WITH HOMOSEXUAL DESIRES, AND SO BE CURED OF THEIR SO-CALLED DEVIANCY.
I WAS HORRIFIED.
FACED WITH THE PROSPECT OF SUCH A BRUTAL TREATMENT, THE 18-YEAR-OLD NEEDED SOMEONE TO CONFIDE IN.
SO HE TURNED TO THE ONLY PERSON HE THOUGHT HE COULD TRUST WITH HIS SECRET-- HIS HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND MARLA EPSTEIN.
TOM: MARLA, I HAD MET AROUND MY SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL.
SHE WAS VERY INNOCENT, DIDN'T TAKE SIDES.
I FELT WE SHARED SIMILAR VALUES, IF YOU WILL.
HER PARENTS WERE ALSO VERY RELIGIOUS, VERY STRICT.
SO I FELT THAT WE ALSO SHARED THAT IN COMMON AS WELL.
BUT SHE GREW UP JEWISH.
THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT MARLA, THIS HIPPIE, THIS-- SHE JUST LOVED EVERYBODY AND SHE JUST ACCEPTED EVERYBODY.
AND I HAD KNOWN HER FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF, TWO YEARS, AND ONE NIGHT WE WERE DRIVING AROUND IN MY CAR AND SHE KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG THAT WAS BOTHERING ME.
NOW, I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE'S GONNA REACT, YOU KNOW.
IS SHE GONNA RUN OUT OF THE CAR?
IS SHE GONNA CALL ME A FREAK?
I SAID I HAD AN ATTRACTION TO MEN.
AND I'M WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE SHE'S THE FIRST PERSON I'M SPEAKING TO.
AND I'M GOING, "OH, MY GOD, HERE IT COMES."
MARLA GOES, "PFFT.
SO WHAT?
YOU'RE TOMMY.
"YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON.
SO WHAT?
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE WITH YOUR LIFE?"
SHE ACCEPTED ME UNCONDITIONALLY.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, IF YOU WILL, AS A FRIEND.
AND THEN I MENTIONED TO HER HOW I WAS GOING TO THE PSYCHIATRIST, AND I SAYS, "WELL, HE WANTED ME TO GET ELECTRIC SHOCK TREATMENTS."
SHE GOES, "NO!
NO."
SO, YEAH.
BIG MOMENT.
BIG MOMENT.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: FOR THE FIRST TIME, TOM FELT IT WAS OK TO BE GAY.
BUT WITHIN A FEW WEEKS OF COMING OUT TO MARLA, HE DISCOVERED SHE WAS DEALING WITH HER OWN FAMILY'S EXPECTATIONS.
I THINK HER PARENTS WERE WORRIED THAT SHE HUNG AROUND WITH TOO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND NOT ENOUGH JEWISH BOYS.
TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, TOM AND MARLA WENT AWAY TOGETHER ONE WEEKEND TO WOODSTOCK, BUT SHE DIDN'T TELL HER PARENTS.
DROVE MARLA HOME.
MARLA'S FATHER CAME OUTSIDE AND WAS QUITE UPSET.
HER FATHER WAS JUST YELLING, "MARLA, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
IT WAS WITHIN A WEEK, SHE WAS ON A PLANE TO ISRAEL TO LIVE IN A KIBBUTZ.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: THE ONE PERSON WHO KNEW TOM'S SECRET AND ACCEPTED HIM JUST THE WAY HE WAS DISAPPEARED ALMOST OVERNIGHT.
TOM: SHE WAS THE FIRST HUMAN BEING THAT I COULD TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS AND UNDERSTOOD AND IT DIDN'T MATTER.
IF SHE HAD REACTED DIFFERENTLY, YOUR LIFE MIGHT HAVE GONE DIFFERENTLY.
OH, MY.
YEAH.
YEAH.
NO QUESTION.
I HATE TO EVEN THINK.
THE POWER OF HER ACCEPTANCE-- MM-HMM.
IS WHY YOU TURNED OUT OK.
ABSOLUTELY.
YOU KNOW, THANK GOD SHE WAS THE ONE.
SO WHY NOW?
WHY DO YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN?
I WANTED TO LET HER KNOW THAT I HAD TURNED OUT REALLY OK. AND IT KIND OF STARTED WITH HER.
YOU KNOW, I CAME OUT OF IT OK.
I HOPE YOU'RE OK.
I'D LIKE THAT VERY MUCH.
[ALL CHANTING] ANN, VOICE-OVER: MARLA'S WILLINGNESS TO ACCEPT TOM AS HE WAS WAS BEING ECHOED BY THE YOUTH OF AMERICA THROUGHOUT THE SIXTIES.
FROM ANTI-WAR TO CIVIL RIGHTS, YOUNG PEOPLE WERE TAKING ON THE ESTABLISHMENT.
PERSECUTED GAY PEOPLE WERE NO DIFFERENT.
IN 1969, AFTER YEARS OF VICTIMIZATION AND ABUSE, NEW YORK'S GAY COMMUNITY FOUGHT BACK.
THE RESULTING STONEWALL RIOTS LASTED FOR 3 DAYS.
[SIRENS] [ALL CHANTING] IT BECAME A PIVOTAL MOMENT IN THE BATTLE FOR GAY RIGHTS.
AND IN NEW HAMPSHIRE, A TRAILBLAZING FIGHT FOR THE GAY CAUSE WAS ABOUT TO CHANGE ONE YOUNG MAN'S LIFE FOREVER.
MAN: WELL, I GREW UP IN PORTSMOUTH, NEW HAMPSHIRE, WHICH FOR NEW HAMPSHIRE WAS THE LIBERAL PART OF THE STATE.
I HAD A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL CHILDHOOD AND A WONDERFUL UPBRINGING.
I WAS BLESSED WITH TWO WONDERFUL PARENTS.
I HAD A GREAT EDUCATION, HAD ALL THE OPPORTUNITIES IN THE WORLD.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: IN THE FALL OF 1971, PAUL TOSI, THEN A NAIVE 18-YEAR-OLD, STARTED AT THE UNIVERSITY OF NEW HAMPSHIRE.
I HAD NOT EXPERIENCED AN AWFUL LOT THAT 18-YEAR-OLDS HAD EXPERIENCED.
I HAD NEVER SEEN MARIJUANA.
I HAD NEVER HAD A BEER.
SO--HA HA!--I WAS SUDDENLY EXPOSED TO ALL OF THIS AND KNEW NOTHING ABOUT IT.
IT WAS A TREMENDOUS EDUCATION THE FIRST 6 MONTHS.
AND I FOUND WHAT I WANTED TO BECOME INVOLVED IN WAS POLITICS.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: PURSUING HIS POLITICAL AMBITIONS, IN 1972, PAUL WAS ELECTED THE UNIVERSITY'S STUDENT BODY PRESIDENT.
HIS JOB WAS TO SUPPORT STUDENTS AND THEIR NEEDS.
SO WHEN A 22-YEAR-OLD STUDENT NAMED WAYNE APRIL ASKED FOR HIS HELP IN ESTABLISHING A NEW ORGANIZATION, IT SEEMED TO BE SIMPLY A MATTER OF PREPARING THE PAPERWORK.
WAYNE APRIL PRESENTED ALL OF THE DOCUMENTATION THAT WAS REQUIRED TO BECOME AN APPROVED STUDENT ORGANIZATION.
WE APPROVED IT AND FORWARDED IT ON TO THE ADMINISTRATION WITHOUT A THOUGHT.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: BUT WAYNE WAS SETTING UP THE STATE'S FIRST-EVER GAY STUDENT ORGANIZATION.
AND ALTHOUGH THE UNIVERSITY WOULD BACK THE GROUP, PAUL AND WAYNE HADN'T COUNTED ON THE OUTRAGED RESPONSE OF THE STATE GOVERNOR MELDRIM THOMPSON.
NEW HAMPSHIRE WAS VERY, VERY CONSERVATIVE AT THE TIME.
AND ONCE IT GOT OUT THAT AN ORGANIZATION PROMOTING HOMOSEXUALITY, WAS ABOUT THE WAY IT CAME OUT, ALL HELL WAS BREAKING LOOSE.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: THE GOVERNOR IMMEDIATELY PUT PRESSURE ON THE UNIVERSITY TO BLOCK THE GAY STUDENT ORGANIZATION.
AND HE URGED THE BOARD OF TRUSTEES TO STRIP THEM OF THEIR POWER AND GET THEM ALL OFF CAMPUS AND ALL THAT.
THAT'S WHEN HE DID HIS "WON'T TOLERATE FILTH AND SEXUAL DEVIANCY" ON THE CAMPUS.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: PAUL DECIDED TO DEFEND THE GSO TO THE UNIVERSITY AUTHORITIES.
I WAS DELIVERING A SPEECH TO THE BOARD OF TRUSTEES AND I WAS SURROUNDED BY THE GAY STUDENT ORGANIZATION.
I FELT VERY STRONG IN WHAT I WAS PRESENTING.
I FELT THAT WE HAD THE LAW ON OUR SIDE AND THE "CONSTITUTION" WAS ON OUR SIDE.
WHEN YOU'VE GOT THE "CONSTITUTION" ON YOUR SIDE, YOU CANNOT GO WRONG.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: PAUL'S ARGUMENT WAS SO POWERFUL THE UNIVERSITY TRUSTEES STOOD UP TO THE GOVERNOR.
FURIOUS, MELDRIM THOMPSON WENT TO THE PAPERS, PUBLICLY THREATENING THE UNIVERSITY WITH CUTS IF SOMETHING WASN'T DONE.
PAUL: THE "MANCHESTER UNION LEADER," WHICH IS THE CONSERVATIVE VOICE OF POLITICS IN THE STATE OF NEW HAMPSHIRE AND THE ONLY STATEWIDE NEWSPAPER, HAD THEIR LEAD EDITORIAL, WHICH WAS "BOOT OUT THE PANSIES."
THE WHOLE ARGUMENT THAT WAS PRESENTED BY THE CONSERVATIVE POLITICIANS AND BY THE CONSERVATIVE MEDIA WAS JUST THAT, "BOOT OUT THE PANSIES.
ABHORRENT BEHAVIOR, SEXUAL DEVIANTS."
IT WENT ON AND ON AND ON.
FILTH.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: WHAT BEGAN AS A SIMPLE REQUEST FROM A FELLOW STUDENT FOR HELP SETTING UP A NEW ORGANIZATION HAD BECOME A VERY PUBLIC, STATEWIDE ANTI-GAY CAMPAIGN.
IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE PAUL'S FAMILY BECAME AWARE OF HIS INVOLVEMENT.
PAUL: THAT'S WHEN I GET A CALL FROM MY FATHER BECAUSE MY FATHER WORKED IN A DAILY NEWSPAPER.
AND WE TALKED ABOUT CIVIL RIGHTS, HUMAN RIGHTS, DIGNITY, WHAT IT ALL MEANT.
AND HE SAID, "AND YOU FEEL?"
I SAID, "I FEEL I HAVE NO CHOICE.
"THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO.
"IT IS THE ONLY CHOICE THAT I CAN MAKE, THAT I HAVE TO SUPPORT THIS."
AND HE SAID, "THEN WE SUPPORT YOU 100%.
"DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO AND HAVE NO FEAR.
YOUR FAMILY IS BEHIND YOU."
SIGNIFICANT MOMENT.
WHAT DID IT MEAN TO YOU?
IT WAS...GIVING ME THE ABILITY TO OPEN UP.
IT WAS SAYING WHATEVER IS IN YOUR HEART IS WHERE YOU NEED TO GO, WHAT YOU NEED TO DO, HOW YOU NEED TO LEAD YOUR LIFE.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: HIS FATHER'S ENCOURAGEMENT WAS ALL PAUL NEEDED TO KNOW HE WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING IN SUPPORTING WAYNE APRIL'S ORGANIZATION.
AND IT ALSO UNLOCKED THE FLOODGATES TO FEELINGS PAUL HAD BEEN SUPPRESSING FOR YEARS-- THAT HE, TOO, WAS GAY.
HE GAVE ME THE PERMISSION TO BE WHO I AM...
IN ONE PHONE CALL.
AND WHETHER HE KNEW IT OR NOT, HE WAS TALKING TO A LOT MORE THAN THE ISSUE OF THE DAY.
HE WAS TALKING ABOUT THE REST OF MY LIFE.
AND NOW HE WAS SAYING, "I WOULD ACCEPT YOU."
MM-HMM.
YES.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: AS PAUL BEGAN TO ACCEPT HIS SEXUALITY, THE BATTLE TO ESTABLISH THE GAY STUDENT ORGANIZATION WENT TO THE NEXT LEVEL.
THE UNIVERSITY OF NEW HAMPSHIRE EVENTUALLY BOWED TO PRESSURE FROM THE GOVERNOR AND BANNED THE GSO, BUT WAYNE APRIL REFUSED TO BE IGNORED.
HIS NEXT MOVE WOULD MAKE LEGAL HISTORY.
HE TOOK THE UNIVERSITY TO COURT.
PAUL: HE WAS A NICE GUY.
HE DIDN'T LOOK THE PART OF A POLITICAL WARRIOR, IF YOU WILL.
I DIDN'T SEE SOMEONE WHO WAS TOTALLY ORGANIZED OR A LEGAL MIND OR PREPARED FOR ANY OF THIS.
BUT HE HANDLED IT WELL.
HE DIDN'T GET RATTLED.
AND AS THEY MOVED FORWARD AND THEY GOT INTO COURT AND EVERYTHING HAD THEY DONE THINGS THAT COULD HAVE INFLAMED THE SITUATION SIGNIFICANTLY, THEY DIDN'T.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: THE NEW HAMPSHIRE SUPREME COURT STILL HOLDS THE DOCUMENTS FROM THAT LANDMARK CASE.
WOMAN: WELL, THIS IS THE CASE FILE, AND IT DESCRIBES THE UNH GAY STUDENTS ORGANIZATION AND WHAT ITS PURPOSE WAS--TO PROMOTE THE RECOGNITION OF GAY PEOPLE ON CAMPUS.
AND THEN IT TALKS ABOUT WHAT'S THE ALLEGATIONS OF THE UNIVERSITY WERE.
WHEN YOU'RE UP AGAINST POLITICIANS AND THE PRESS THAT ARE BASING YOUR WHOLE CASE ON "BOOT OUT THE PANSIES," "GET OUT THE SEXUAL DEVIANTS," IF YOU WILL, THAT'S NOT LOGICAL.
MM-HMM.
AND YOU HAVE TO FIGHT IT WITH LOGIC.
AND THAT'S WHAT THIS-- THE GAY STUDENT ORGANIZATION DID.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: AFTER THEIR HARD-FOUGHT BATTLE, THE NEW HAMPSHIRE SUPREME COURT EVENTUALLY RULED IT WAS UNCONSTITUTIONAL UNDER THE FIRST AMENDMENT TO PROHIBIT GAY PEOPLE FROM ASSEMBLING AND SPEAKING FREELY.
"THE UNIVERSITY CAN'T DENY OR BRIDGE THE RIGHTS OF INDIVIDUALS" "UNDER THE FIRST AMENDMENT TO FREELY EXPRESS THEMSELVES AND TO FREELY ASSOCIATE WITH OTHERS."
"MINORITY GROUPS AS WELL AS MAJORITY GROUPS "MUST BE GIVEN AN OPPORTUNITY TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES, "FOR ONLY IN THIS WAY CAN OUR SYSTEM OF PEACEFUL, SOCIAL CHANGE BE MAINTAINED."
THIS IS AN INTERPRETATION OF THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION AS IT WAS MEANT TO BE.
THIS IS FOUNDATIONAL FOR THE GAY MOVEMENT, LGBT RIGHTS ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: THE CASE OF "UNIVERSITY OF NEW HAMPSHIRE VS. WAYNE APRIL" IS NOW CONSIDERED ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL GAY RIGHTS CASES IN AMERICA.
AND FOR PAUL, IT WAS THE FINAL PIECE OF THE PUZZLE.
PAUL: AS I WATCHED WAYNE APRIL, WITH THE REST OF THE MEMBERSHIP, BRING THIS CASE FORWARD, DEFEND IT AT EVERY STEP, I BEGAN TO REALIZE WHAT I HAD BEEN DOING FOR YEARS.
AND THAT THERE WOULD COME A TIME WHEN I NEEDED TO MAKE A DECISION.
I NEEDED TO DECIDE WHETHER I WANTED A LIFE LIVED IN SHADOWS OR WHETHER I WAS GONNA BE HONEST WITH MYSELF... AND BE A HAPPIER PERSON.
THERE'S NOBODY THAT HAD HAD A BIGGER IMPACT ON MY LIFE THAN WAYNE APRIL.
NOBODY.
BECAUSE HE OPENED MY EYES AND OPENED MY HEART.
BY THE TIME I TURNED 22, WHICH WAS AUGUST, IS WHEN I CAME OUT.
AND...IT WAS A WONDERFUL, RELIEVING DAY FOR ME.
MY GRANDMOTHER ALWAYS... ANN, VOICE-OVER: IN THE DECADES SINCE, PAUL HAS FOLLOWED IN WAYNE'S FOOTSTEPS, BECOMING A PASSIONATE ADVOCATE FOR GAY RIGHTS.
IN 2008, WHEN SAME-SEX MARRIAGE BECAME LEGAL IN CALIFORNIA, HE MARRIED HIS LONG-TERM PARTNER JOE.
FOR LIVING A LIFE TRUE TO HIMSELF, PAUL HAS WAYNE APRIL TO THANK.
PAUL: I'VE BEEN ALL OVER THIS COUNTRY.
I'VE BEEN WITH JOE FOR 36 YEARS.
AND I MIGHT NOT HAVE EXPERIENCED ALL THAT.
I MIGHT HAVE GONE THROUGH A MUCH MORE TORTURED LIFE IF I HADN'T COME TO THOSE REALIZATIONS IN 1973 AND 1974.
I NEED, PERSONALLY, TO THANK HIM, TO CONGRATULATE HIM, AND TO LET HIM KNOW THAT HE HELPED CHANGE MY LIFE.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: 4 YEARS EARLIER IN 1969, TOM DiCIACCIO HAD HIS MOMENT OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE WHEN HE CAME OUT TO HIS BEST FRIEND MARLA EPSTEIN.
AS TOM BECAME MORE COMFORTABLE WITH HIS SEXUALITY, HE WAS ENCOURAGED TO FIND HE WASN'T ALONE.
[PEOPLE CHANTING INDISTINCTLY] MORE AND MORE PEOPLE WERE COMING OUT, AND GAY RIGHTS ACTIVISM SWEPT ACROSS THE COUNTRY IN THE 1970s.
AND SLOWLY, STATE BY STATE, GAY SEX WAS DECRIMINALIZED.
SO WHEN TOM MET THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IN THE LATE 1970s, THEY WERE ABLE TO LIVE HAPPILY AND OPENLY IN LOS ANGELES.
THAT LOVE WAS A YOUNG SCHOOLTEACHER NAMED JACK KESSLER.
TOM: JACK WAS KIND OF A PROTECTOR AND SAW NO DIFFERENCE IN COLOR AND SAW NO DIFFERENCE IN RELIGION.
HE WAS SENSITIVE AND KIND BEYOND WORDS.
JACK AND I BOUGHT OUR FIRST HOME IN 1981.
WE THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE OUR FOREVER HOME.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: BUT FOREVER WAS CUT TRAGICALLY SHORT.
TOM: JACK GOT SICK.
I CONVINCED HIM TO GO TO MY DOCTOR FOR A CHECKUP.
THEN I CALLED JACK AND I FOUND OUT HOW THE CHECKUP WENT.
AND JACK TOLD ME ON THE PHONE THAT HE WAS HIV POSITIVE.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: JACK HAD FALLEN VICTIM TO THE AIDS EPIDEMIC, WHICH DEVASTATED THE GAY COMMUNITY DURING THE 1980s.
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, ONE BY ONE, IT STARTED AFFECTING US.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION REPORTED THERE WERE MILLIONS WHO WERE AFFECTED WORLDWIDE.
THE FLOOR GAVE WAY, THE ROOF CAME DOWN, AND BECAUSE BACK THEN, IT WAS--YOU KNOW, IT WAS A DEATH SENTENCE.
THE FIRST THING I DID IS GOT TESTED, AND I WAS JUST AMAZED AND GUILTY AND EVERYTHING THAT GOES ALONG WITH BEING NEGATIVE.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: AFTER A YEAR-LONG STRUGGLE WITH AIDS-RELATED COMPLICATIONS, JACK DIED AT HOME IN APRIL 1990.
TOM: THEY PUT HIS BODY IN THIS BAG, AND THEY PUT HIM IN THIS...VEHICLE.
AND AS THEY PULLED AWAY, I JUST LOST IT AGAIN.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: JUST WHEN TOM WAS AT HIS LOWEST POINT GRIEVING FOR JACK, HELP CAME FROM THE MOST UNEXPECTED PLACE.
I GET A PHONE CALL, AND IT'S MARLA.
AND SHE SAYS, "I'M IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA.
I'D LIKE TO COME DOWN TO SEE YOU."
ANN, VOICE-OVER: IN THE DECADES SINCE HE HAD LAST SEEN HER, MARLA HAD ALSO BROKEN FREE OF HER STRICT UPBRINGING, DROPPING OUT AND LIVING IN A VAN IN THE SAN FRANCISCO AREA.
WHEN SHE HEARD OF TOM'S LOSS THROUGH A MUTUAL FRIEND, SHE DROPPED EVERYTHING TO BE WITH HIM.
SHE CARED ENOUGH ABOUT ME TO DRIVE HER VAN ALL THE WAY, YOU KNOW, FROM THE BAY AREA WITH HARDLY ANY MONEY.
IT WASN'T LIKE SOMEBODY THAT JUST CAME TO THE SERVICE THAT I HAD FOR JACK AT THE HOUSE AND THEN LEFT.
SHE WANTED TO STAY AND FIND OUT HOW I WAS FEELING.
WE WOULD SIT THERE AT NIGHT, YOU KNOW, AND JUST TALK FOR HOURS.
WE HAD SOME VERY DEEP CONVERSATIONS ABOUT OUR LIVES-- MM-HMM.
AND, UH...IT WAS WONDERFUL AND IT WAS NICE.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: BUT ALL TOO SOON, MARLA PACKED UP HER VAN AND HEADED NORTH AGAIN.
WITH NO FIXED ADDRESS, KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH HER WAS TOUGH.
TOM: THERE WAS JUST NO WAY TO CONTACT HER, AND I FIGURE SHE'LL GET IN TOUCH WITH ME AGAIN SOMETIME, BUT THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET.
I'VE TRIED LOOKING HER UP OVER THE YEARS, BUT IT'S KIND OF HARD TO TRACK A HOMELESS PERSON DOWN.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: MARLA HAD COME BACK INTO TOM'S LIFE ONLY TO DISAPPEAR AGAIN WITHOUT A TRACE.
IT'S NOW BEEN ALMOST 3 DECADES SINCE THEY LAST SPOKE.
WORRIED THAT MARLA'S AGE AND OFF-THE-GRID LIFESTYLE MAY HAVE TAKEN ITS TOLL, TOM IS HEADING TO SAN FRANCISCO TO TRY TO TRACK HER DOWN.
[PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC PLAYING] THE CITY HAS BEEN A HAVEN FOR ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES EVER SINCE THE 1960s.
IT'S ALSO A PLACE WITH A MAJOR SIGNIFICANCE FOR TOM.
TOM: SAN FRANCISCO IS SPECIAL TO ME BECAUSE AT THE TIME I MOVED TO LOS ANGELES, I HAD QUITE A FEW FRIENDS THAT I WOULD COME UP AND VISIT, AND WE'D GO OUT AND RAISE HELL ON CASTRO STREET.
I THINK IT'S THE FIRST TIME WE HAD AN AREA, A NEIGHBORHOOD THAT WE COULD CALL TRULY OUR OWN.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: TOM IS STARTING HIS SEARCH FOR MARLA JUST A MILE NORTH OF THE CASTRO DISTRICT IN HAIGHT-ASHBURY, THE HISTORIC CENTER OF SAN FRANCISCO'S COUNTERCULTURE.
HI THERE.
I'M JIM SIEGEL.
TOM DiCIACCIO.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: NOW A LOCAL BUSINESSMAN, BACK IN THE 1970s, JIM SIEGEL USED TO VOLUNTEER AT A HELP LINE FOR NEW ARRIVALS TO THE AREA.
I WAS PART OF THE HAIGHT-ASHBURY SWITCHBOARD.
WE RAN A DROP-IN CENTER AT HAIGHT AND SHRADER.
WE HAD A PLACE WHERE YOU COULD PUT YOUR SLEEPING BAG OUT AND SLEEP ON THE FLOOR.
WE HAD LISTS OF CRASH HOSTS THAT WOULD LET PEOPLE STAY AT THEIR HOUSE OVERNIGHT.
WE HAD PROBABLY 50 TO 100 PEOPLE A DAY COMING TO HAIGHT-ASHBURY ALL THROUGH THE 1970s.
TOM: I BROUGHT A COUPLE OF PICTURES.
IT'S NOT THAT YOU MAY REMEMBER HER, BUT I DON'T KNOW-- WHO KNOWS?
THIS IS HER HIGH SCHOOL PICTURE.
AT THE SWITCHBOARD, AS I SAID, WE DIDN'T KEEP RECORDS.
SHE LOOKS THE PART OF MANY PEOPLE THAT WOULD HAVE WALKED IN-- RIGHT.
AT THE TIME.
I DON'T RECOGNIZE HER AS A REGULAR FROM HAIGHT STREET.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: MARLA WASN'T ALONE IN LIVING A TRANSIENT LIFESTYLE IN THE 1970s, BUT TOM IS HOPING THAT AS THE YEARS HAVE PASSED SHE'S FOUND HERSELF A MORE PERMANENT HOME.
LUCKILY FOR YOUR FRIEND MARLA THERE, SHE'S THE RIGHT AGE THAT IF SHE DID GET SETTLED IN SAN FRANCISCO, RENTS WERE CHEAP UP UNTIL ABOUT 1999.
SO IF SHE GOT HERSELF INTO A RENT-CONTROLLED APARTMENT, SHE'LL HAVE VERY AFFORDABLE RENT, AND SO LET'S JUST PRAY THAT THAT HAPPENED.
I DO HEAR THAT THE LIBRARY OVER ON PAGE AND COLE HAS KEPT SOME KIND OF A RECORD OF THE COMINGS AND GOINGS AND THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN HAPPENING IN THE HAIGHT-ASHBURY.
THEY MIGHT HAVE SOME KIND OF A CLUE AS TO WHAT HAPPENED.
THAT IS SUCH A GREAT IDEA.
THAT IS SOMETHING I WOULD HAVE NEVER EVEN THOUGHT OF.
TOM, VOICE-OVER: IF SHE DID GET INTO A PLACE SOME YEARS AGO, HOPEFULLY SHE HAS RENT CONTROL OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
IT'S BEEN 27 YEARS SINCE I SAW HER LAST.
WHAT IS HER PHYSICAL HEALTH?
WHAT IS HER MENTAL HEALTH?
IS SHE IN A SAFE PLACE?
LOTS OF QUESTIONS.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: 3,000 MILES AWAY, PAUL TOSI IS STARTING HIS SEARCH FOR WAYNE APRIL, THE YOUNG STUDENT WHO NOT ONLY LED A TRAILBLAZING FIGHT TO SET UP A GAY STUDENT ORGANIZATION AT THE UNIVERSITY OF NEW HAMPSHIRE, BUT WHOSE SHEER DETERMINATION MADE SUCH AN IMPACT ON PAUL.
PAUL, VOICE-OVER: I GUESS THE NEXT LOGICAL PLACE TO GO IS TO THE UNIVERSITY.
'CAUSE I BELIEVE THAT WAYNE'S LEFT A BREADCRUMB TRAIL SOMEWHERE THAT WE CAN FOLLOW AND FIND HIM.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: BACK IN 1973, WAYNE FOUGHT HARD FOR EQUALITY AND RESPECT FOR EVERYONE-- VALUES THAT STILL RESONATE MORE THAN 4 DECADES LATER.
PAUL: AND IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE THAT IT IS STILL ONGOING AND PEOPLE ARE STILL BEING ACCEPTED, LEARNING, GROWING, AND FEELING PART OF A COMMUNITY.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: PAUL'S LAST-KNOWN CONTACT FOR WAYNE WAS THROUGH THE GAY STUDENT ORGANIZATION BACK IN 1973.
HE'S MEETING WITH THE GROUP IN THE HOPE OF FINDING A CLUE TO WAYNE'S WHEREABOUTS.
NOW CALLED ALLIANCE, IT EXTENDS TO ALL GENDERS AND SEXUALITIES-- RESPECTING DIVERSITY, SOCIAL JUSTICE, AND INCLUSION.
THE ORGANIZATION THAT WAS FOUNDED IN 1973 BY WAYNE APRIL AND HIS ASSOCIATES HAS HELPED COUNTLESS PEOPLE OVER THE 44 YEARS SINCE THEN.
I AM ENCOURAGED AND THRILLED TO SEE THAT IT WILL CONTINUE AND HAS EXPANDED AND HAS INCLUDED ALL THE GROUPS.
WOMAN: EVER SINCE THE EARLY NINETIES NOW, WE HAVE A PANCAKE BREAKFAST EVERY APRIL IN HONOR OF OUR FOUNDERS.
AND A FEW YEARS AGO, WE WERE ABLE TO INVITE BACK THE FOUNDERS, INCLUDING WAYNE, TO THAT EVENT.
SO IT WAS JUST REALLY FABULOUS FOR US TO HEAR FROM HIM.
YOU HAD WAYNE HERE?
WAYNE WAS HERE.
IT'S TRULY A GOAL OF MINE TO CATCH UP WITH WAYNE 'CAUSE I REALLY, TRULY WANT TO THANK HIM.
BECAUSE IF I HAD NOT MET WAYNE APRIL... [VOICE CRACKING] MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN CONSIDERABLY DIFFERENT.
AND I OWE HIM A DEBT OF GRATITUDE.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: THE GROUP NO LONGER HAS WAYNE'S CONTACT DETAILS.
BUT IF WAYNE IS STILL ACTIVE IN THE GAY RIGHTS COMMUNITY, PAUL IS HOPEFUL THERE MIGHT BE A PAPER TRAIL.
PAUL: THE LIBRARY WOULD BE THE NEXT LOGICAL PLACE FOR US TO VISIT TO LOOK IN THE ARCHIVES WITH THE STUDENT NEWSPAPERS AND TRY TO PICK UP THE TRAIL.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: WHILE PAUL CONTINUES HIS SEARCH AT THE UNIVERSITY OF NEW HAMPSHIRE LIBRARY, TOM DiCIACCIO'S NEXT STOP IN HIS HUNT FOR MARLA EPSTEIN IS IN THE SAN FRANCISCO PUBLIC LIBRARY.
TOM: I SAW MARLA BACK IN 1990.
AT THIS POINT, SHE WAS LIVING IN A VAN SOMEWHERE IN THE BAY AREA.
HER LAST NAME WAS EPSTEIN.
AND SHE WOULD BE...
EITHER 66 OR 67 YEARS OLD.
LET ME LOOK HER UP.
I'M TOTALLY AFRAID THAT SHE MAY HAVE PASSED AWAY.
SO, I MEAN, DO YOU ALSO HAVE DEATH RECORDS?
THERE'S A CALIFORNIA DEATH RECORDS WEBSITE THAT WE USE A LOT.
OH... THAT'S...HOPEFUL.
I DON'T SEE HER IN HERE.
SO, UM... WELL, THAT'S A GOOD START.
WHERE WOULD YOU SUGGEST NEXT TO-- IS THAT A CRAZY QUESTION?
I MEAN, IT'S LIKE LOOKING FOR A NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK.
IT WOULD PROBABLY GO BACK TO OUR DATABASE.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: THE LIBRARY HAS EXTENSIVE RECORDS OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE LIVED IN THE AREA SINCE THE GOLD RUSH OF 1849.
SO WE'RE ASSUMING SHE'S LIVING IN CALIFORNIA.
UM, WE THINK SHE WAS BORN ROUGHLY IN 1951?
YEAH, '50, '51.
HERE'S A MARLA EPSTEIN IN KLAMATH, CALIFORNIA, OR NEAR KLAMATH.
IT'S A P.O.
BOX.
THAT COULD BE.
THAT'S--YOU KNOW, THAT'S WITHIN THE RANGE, FOR SURE.
THIS ZIP CODE HAS THAT 4-DIGIT EXTENSION, AND I KNOW THAT WASN'T IN COMMON USE HERE FOR 10 YEARS AGO.
SO THIS IS FAIRLY CURRENT.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: KLAMATH IS A SMALL TOWN IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA, 350 MILES NORTH OF SAN FRANCISCO.
YEAH, KLAMATH IS SOMEWHERE... CRESCENT CITY.
YEAH, RIGHT THERE.
YEAH.
LOOKS FAIRLY TINY.
YEAH.
UM, BUT MAYBE THAT'S A GOOD THING AS FAR AS FINDING MARLA.
SO, WOW.
SO, ARE WE SUGGESTING A ROAD TRIP?
HA HA!
IT SOUNDS GOOD TO ME, BUT--HA HA!
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: AT LAST, AFTER 3 DECADES, TOM HAS A SOLID LEAD ON MARLA'S RECENT WHEREABOUTS.
TOM, VOICE-OVER: IT'S VERY EXCITING.
KLAMATH IS A VERY, VERY SMALL COMMUNITY.
IF IT IS HER, SHE PROBABLY KNOWS HALF THE PEOPLE IN TOWN, JUST KNOWING MARLA.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: PAUL TOSI HAS COME TO THE LIBRARY AT HIS OLD UNIVERSITY TO HUNT FOR ANYTHING THAT COULD HELP HIM GET IN TOUCH WITH GAY STUDENT ACTIVIST WAYNE APRIL.
I'M BILL ROSS.
PAUL TOSI.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: EVENTUALLY, THE ARCHIVES OFFER UP A POTENTIAL LEAD.
BILL: THIS IS FROM '73, '74.
THAT'S WAYNE APRIL.
THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN A PICTURE IN QUITE A WHILE AND JUST INCREASES MY DESIRE TO MEET HIM AGAIN.
ACTUALLY, A FEW YEARS AGO, THERE WAS AN ARTICLE IN THE "NEW HAMPSHIRE" MAGAZINE-- REALLY?
ABOUT THE GAY MOVEMENT HERE ON CAMPUS.
AND, UH... LET'S SEE... WOW!
HA HA!
ANN, VOICE-OVER: THE ARTICLE FEATURES A BIOGRAPHY OF NONE OTHER THAN THE GSO FOUNDER PAUL HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR.
"WAYNE APRIL GRADUATED BOTH ENERGIZED AND EXHAUSTED FROM THE GAY RIGHTS FIGHT.
"AFTER LIVING IN ALASKA, "WHERE HE HELPED START A GAY COMMUNITY CENTER IN ANCHORAGE, "HE MOVED TO SAN FRANCISCO JUST WHEN PEOPLE WERE STARTING TO NOTICE "AN OMINOUS, UNNAMED DISEASE.
"HE COPED BY VOLUNTEERING AND EVENTUALLY RUNNING "A RESIDENCE FOR PEOPLE LIVING WITH AIDS.
"TODAY, APRIL IS A SOCIAL WORKER LIVING HAPPILY IN PASADENA "WITH A LONG-TERM PARTNER AND 3 DOGS.
"THOUGH HIS NAME WILL FOREVER STAND OPPOSITE THE UNIVERSITY'S "IN LAW BOOKS, APRIL HOLDS NO GRUDGES.
"IN FACT, HE DONATES TO THE UNIVERSITY.
"'WHY I'M GLAD I DID WHAT I DID,' APRIL SAID.
"'I COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO LIVED A FALSE LIFE...' [VOICE BREAKING] "'WHO NEVER LIVED GENUINELY.
"'WE OPENED UP SOMETHING THAT WAS WAITING TO BE OPENED UP FOR A LONG TIME, 'AND PEOPLE JUMPED AT THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES.'"
I THINK WE NEED TO GO TO PASADENA.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: PAUL NOW HOLDS A VITAL CLUE TO FINDING THE MAN WHO HELPED PAVE THE WAY FOR ACCEPTANCE OF GAY RIGHTS IN THE EARLY 1970s.
WAYNE'S FEARLESSNESS IN THE FACE OF BIGOTRY NOT ONLY HELPED PAUL BUT MANY OTHERS SINCE.
2 OF MY 3 KIDS ARE GAY.
REALLY?
AND THEIR LIVES HAVE NOT BEEN EASY, BUT THEY'VE BEEN A HELL OF A LOT EASIER BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND WAYNE.
SO WHEN YOU MEET HIM...
I WILL.
COMMUNICATE THAT TO HIM.
I WILL.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR SHARING THAT WITH ME.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: A SEARCH OF ONLINE RECORDS FOR A WAYNE APRIL GIVES PAUL A PHONE NUMBER.
PAUL: NOW I'M MORE ANXIOUS THAN EVER TO FIND HIM, TO MAKE GOOD ON THIS COMMITMENT TO MYSELF TO THANK HIM.
WAYNE, THIS IS PAUL "PRIMO" TOSI.
I WAS STUDENT BODY PRESIDENT IN 1973, AND I WANT TO GET TOGETHER WITH YOU.
I HAVE SORT OF IMPORTANT THINGS TO SAY TO YOU.
SO I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU COULD CALL ME BACK, AND WE COULD MAYBE SET A TIME WHEN WE COULD GET TOGETHER AT YOUR CONVENIENCE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HAVE A GREAT EVENING, AND I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
WOW.
WE GOT THROUGH.
I WOULD TOTALLY UNDERSTAND IF HE DIDN'T WANT TO PURSUE THIS.
I MEAN, WAYNE'S BEEN THROUGH A LOT, AND NOW THE BALL'S IN WAYNE'S COURT.
I WILL KNOW SOON, I'M SURE.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: TOM DiCIACCIO IS ALSO DRAWING CLOSER IN HIS SEARCH FOR THE FRIEND WHOSE ACCEPTANCE CHANGED HIS LIFE ALMOST 50 YEARS AGO.
HE'S DRIVING UP TO KLAMATH, A SMALL COASTAL TOWN WHERE MARLA IS THE REGISTERED OWNER OF A POST OFFICE BOX.
TOM: KLAMATH--IT'S WHERE A LOT OF HIPPIES AND COUNTERCULTURE PEOPLE SETTLED.
IF THAT IS INDEED MARLA, IT WOULD KIND OF MAKE SENSE.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: SINCE THE LATE SIXTIES, THE AREA HAS BEEN A HAVEN FOR NON-CONFORMISTS.
MANY HAVE STARTED THEIR OWN FARMS AND LIVE OFF THE GRID.
IN A TOWN OF JUST 800 PEOPLE, TOM HOPES THAT MARLA WILL BE WELL-KNOWN TO LOCALS.
LOOKING AROUND, AND THERE'S NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE... TO EVEN ASK, FROM THE LOOKS OF THINGS, BUT WE'LL FIND OUT.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: TOM'S FIRST ENCOUNTER IS WITH A LOCAL BUSINESSWOMAN WHO KNOWS MANY PEOPLE IN THE AREA.
THIS IS MARLA PLAYING THE GUITAR.
MMM.
RING ANY BELLS?
IT DOESN'T.
I'M SO SORRY.
THAT DOES SPEAK TO HOW THIS IS A GOOD PLACE TO NOT BE FOUND NECESSARILY, A GOOD PLACE TO BE BY YOURSELF AND WANDER THE TRUE NATURAL WONDERS OF THE WORLD.
WHICH MAKES IT ALL THE MORE MYSTERIOUS.
DID SHE WANT TO GET OFF THE GRID, OR DID SHE WANT TO JUST BE WITH OTHER PEOPLE LIKE HERSELF?
ANN, VOICE-OVER: WITH FEW PEOPLE AROUND, FINDING MARLA IN KLAMATH IS TURNING OUT TO BE MORE DIFFICULT THAN TOM IMAGINED.
HIS ONLY CONCRETE LEAD NOW IS THE P.O.
BOX REGISTERED IN MARLA'S NAME.
TOM DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S STILL IN USE, LET ALONE WHEN MARLA LAST CHECKED IT.
SO HE ASKS FOR HELP IN THE POST OFFICE.
[CRYING] WELL, UH, AHEM...
YES, SHE KNOWS HER, AND YES, SHE'S AROUND HERE.
THE LADY IN THE POST OFFICE SAID SHE'S QUITE A CHARACTER.
AND RIGHT AWAY, MY EARS LIT UP, SO I SAID, "WELL, THAT'S MARLA."
SHE'S STILL A HOMELESS PERSON.
AND, UH... WASN'T EXPECTING THIS.
I'M FLABBERGASTED THAT SHE LIVED THIS LONG LIVING IN A CAR.
WHEN YOU HAVE A FRIEND THAT'S MEANT SO MUCH TO YOU, YOU WONDER IF YOU COULD HAVE DONE A LITTLE BIT MORE TO HELP HER.
BUT MARLA IS MARLA.
AND THIS IS THE PERFECT-- PERFECT PLACE IN THE WORLD, I GUESS, FOR HER.
I'M WRITING A POSTCARD TO MARLA, AND I THOUGHT I WOULD DROP IT OFF IN THE POST OFFICE BOX.
I'M NERVOUS ABOUT IT.
THIS IS THE LAST STOP, IT WOULD SEEM, SO...
I CERTAINLY HOPE SOMETHING HAPPENS HERE.
[DOG BARKING] ANN, VOICE-OVER: TOM'S MESSAGE TO HIS OLD FRIEND, THE FIRST-EVER KEEPER OF HIS SECRET, HAS BEEN DELIVERED.
ALL HE CAN DO NOW IS WAIT AND HOPE.
PAUL TOSI HAS BEEN SEARCHING FOR WAYNE APRIL, A FELLOW UNIVERSITY STUDENT, WHO TOOK ON THE MIGHT OF THE STATE GOVERNOR, FOR THE RIGHT TO SET UP A GAY STUDENT ORGANIZATION, A CAMPAIGN THAT CHANGED PAUL'S LIFE FOREVER.
THERE'S NOBODY THAT HAD A BIGGER IMPACT ON MY LIFE THAN WAYNE APRIL.
BECAUSE HE OPENED MY EYES AND OPENED MY HEART.
I NEED, PERSONALLY, TO THANK HIM AND TO LET HIM KNOW THAT HE HELPED CHANGE MY LIFE.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: PAUL HAS FINALLY CONTACTED WAYNE, WHO NOW LIVES IN CALIFORNIA.
PAUL: I'M REALLY EXCITED THAT I FOUND HIM, GOT IN TOUCH WITH HIM, AND HE'S AGREED TO MEET WITH ME, AND I'M GOING TO GET THE OPPORTUNITY THAT I WANT.
THEY'VE ARRANGED TO MEET FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MORE THAN 4 DECADES.
AH!
HA HA!
HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD.
LONG TIME NO SEE.
YEAH.
44 YEARS.
YES!
THE PROUDEST MOMENT IN MY LIFE IS A MEMORY ETCHED IN MY MIND.
I'M STAND-- I'M IN A SUIT.
I'M ADDRESSING THE BOARD OF TRUSTEES, AND I AM SURROUNDED BY THE GAY STUDENT ORGANIZATION.
WELL, I ADMIRED YOU A LOT BECAUSE YOU WERE SUCH A GOOD PUBLIC SPEAKER.
I WAS JUST AMAZED THAT YOU WERE ABLE TO BE SO ARTICULATE AND FORCEFUL IN FRONT OF THIS AUGUST GROUP OF PEOPLE.
NEVER DOUBT FOR A MINUTE THAT YOU'RE NOT MAKING A DIFFERENCE, 'CAUSE WE DID.
WELL, IT CHANGED MY LIFE, TOO.
MY FIRST TWO YEARS AT THE UNIVERSITY WERE VERY LONELY, DEPRESSIVE YEARS, AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING OR WHY I WAS DOING IT.
AND I THINK A LOT OF IT WAS STRUGGLING WITH MY OWN SEXUALITY AND NOT KNOWING WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS.
IT MADE ME SO ANGRY TO SEE GAY PEOPLE NOT DOING ANYTHING FOR THEMSELVES ON CAMPUS.
WHY DON'T WE DO SOMETHING?
YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T WE SAY SOMETHING?
THEN THE GSO THING HAPPENED, AND IT CHANGED MY LIFE.
I WOULDN'T BE THE WAY I AM TODAY, WHERE I AM TODAY, IF I HADN'T DONE THAT.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: SINCE GRADUATING IN 1974, WAYNE HAS DEDICATED HIS LIFE TO FURTHERING THE CAUSE OF GAY RIGHTS.
HIS COURT CASE IS AMONG THOSE THAT PAVED THE WAY FOR ACCEPTANCE OF GAY PEOPLE IN INSTITUTIONS ALL OVER AMERICA.
WAYNE: PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE HOW HARD IT WAS JUST TO BE GAY AND TO GO OUT AND DO THINGS NORMALLY THAN IT IS TODAY.
SO WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN YOU-- WHEN YOU GET AWAY FROM UNH IN '74?
MY PARTNER AT THE TIME GOT A JOB IN ALASKA, SO WE TRAVELED ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND MOVED UP TO ALASKA.
WOW.
AND I WAS UP THERE FOR ABOUT 5 YEARS.
AND THEN I MOVED DOWN TO SAN FRANCISCO RIGHT AS THE AIDS EPIDEMIC WAS STARTING.
I GOT INVOLVED IN VOLUNTEER ACTIVITIES AROUND AIDS.
I VOLUNTEERED ON THE...
THE AIDS WARD AT SAN FRANCISCO GENERAL.
I FELT LIKE I WAS IN A WAR ZONE THERE.
I WOULD VISIT SOMEBODY IN ROOM "A" AT THE SAN FRANCISCO AIDS WARD ON MONDAY, AND WHEN I WENT BACK ON WEDNESDAY, THEY WERE GONE.
HMM.
I MEAN, THAT'S HOW QUICK PEOPLE DIED.
THERE WAS A REAL REASON WHY I NEEDED TO SEE YOU.
OK.
I'M READY.
FEW PEOPLE HAVE MADE A BIG IMPRESSION ON MY LIFE.
IN 1973, YOU STARTED SOMETHING THAT TOOK ALL KINDS OF COURAGE.
BUT SEEING YOU, THE EFFORT THAT YOU PUT THROUGH, AND IT AWAKENED IN ME WHAT I HAD BEEN DENYING, I KNOW, SINCE I WAS A TEENAGER.
AND THE RESULTS OF THAT IS THAT TODAY I'VE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND 36 YEARS.
ALL OF THAT...
GOES BACK TO YOU.
WOW.
I'M HONORED.
HEH!
THERE'S STONEWALL, THERE'S HARVEY MILK, THERE ARE A LOT OF ACTIVISTS, AND THERE'S THE UNIVERSITY OF NEW HAMPSHIRE.
AH.
THE NUMBER OF LIVES THAT YOU AFFECTED IS JUST-- I THINK ABOUT IT; IT WAS JUST UNBELIEVABLE.
AND I THINK-- WELL, I'M HONORED.
I'M HONORED.
[CHUCKLES] THANKS.
WAYNE: I'M VERY TOUCHED AND VERY HUMBLED THAT I HAD SUCH AN EFFECT ON HIM.
IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU THAT IF YOU DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT, THEN EVERYTHING ELSE WILL FALL IN PLACE, AND OTHER PEOPLE WILL BE AFFECTED BY IT.
I THINK WAYNE GIVES HIMSELF FAR TOO LITTLE CREDIT FOR WHAT HE ACCOMPLISHED.
I AM VERY PROUD OF MY CONTRIBUTION, I AM VERY PROUD OF WAYNE'S, AND NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE THAT AWAY FROM US.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: TOM DiCIACCIO HAS BEEN SEARCHING FOR HIS OLD FRIEND, MARLA EPSTEIN.
HE CAME OUT TO HER IN 1969, AND HER SUPPORT AND ACCEPTANCE COMPLETELY ALTERED THE COURSE OF HIS LIFE.
I SAID, "I'M HAVING THESE FEELINGS.
VERY, VERY FIRST PERSON, AND SHE GOES, "SO WHAT?
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE WITH YOUR LIFE?"
ANN, VOICE-OVER: DESPITE MARLA'S TRANSIENT LIFESTYLE, SHE RECEIVED TOM'S NOTE WITHIN A FEW DAYS AND GAVE HIM A CALL.
VERY EXCITED TO... TO SEE HER AGAIN AND A LITTLE NERVOUS, YOU KNOW.
ME THANKING HER FOR...
BEING A TURNING POINT IN MY LIFE.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: THEY'RE MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 27 YEARS IN A GIANT REDWOOD FOREST ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF KLAMATH.
HEY THERE... YOUNG MAN.
HI.
HELLO.
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I'M SO GLAD I FOUND YOU.
YOU KNOW YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN MY FRIEND.
I WAS HOPING YOU WERE STILL AROUND.
OF COURSE.
WE'VE LOST SO MANY PEOPLE.
I KNOW.
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I HAD-- I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU WERE STILL ALIVE.
I DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WERE STILL ALIVE.
HEH!
[SNIFFLING] LET'S SIT DOWN... OK. 'CAUSE I'M ABOUT READY TO COLLAPSE.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: IT'S BEEN NEARLY 50 YEARS SINCE TOM CAME OUT TO MARLA.
HE HAS NEVER FORGOTTEN THAT MOMENT.
TOM: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER.
YEAH?
WE WERE DRIVING AROUND HARTFORD-- I DO REMEMBER.
YOU REMEMBER THE TIME I-- I CAN TELL YOU EVERYTHING.
YEAH--YOU DO?
OK.
I CAN TELL YOU EVERYTHING, TOM.
THAT NIGHT THAT WE SPOKE WAS THE BIG TURNING POINT, I GUESS.
I REMEMBER, TOM, YOU TELLING ME ABOUT-- THAT YOU WERE TELLING ME--LIKE, YOU WERE KIND OF HINTING AT FIRST.
I WAS VERY RELUCTANT.
YOU WERE KIND OF-- I WAS TESTING, YOU KNOW...
TESTING THE WATERS.
"HOW IS SHE GONNA TAKE THIS?
OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS..." YOU KNOW.
I THINK COMING OUT TO YOU-- I JUST LOVED YOU AS YOU WERE.
AND THAT WAS EXACTLY, EXACTLY, EXACTLY IT.
AND BECAUSE OF YOU... WOW.
YOU DON'T REALIZE WHAT-- YEAH?
[VOICE CRACKING] YOU WERE THE FIRST PERSON, AND, UH...
BEING ACCEPTED?
YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, I MEAN, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I WOULDN'T ACCEPT YOU; YOU'RE YOU AND YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
WHY WOULD I WANT YOU TO BE ANYBODY ELSE BUT WHO YOU ARE?
AND THIS IS MARLA.
YEAH.
MARLA HASN'T CHANGED.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY.
YOU KNOW, ..., IF THAT HAD NOT HAPPENED, I WOULD NOT BE WHO I AM TODAY.
IT WAS SUCH A DARK TIME.
IT WASN'T EVEN CALLED GAY.
YEAH, AND I REMEMBER THAT, AND THAT WAS ONE OF THE REASONS I LEFT TO GO OVERSEAS, 'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO JUST SETTLE DOWN INTO SOMETHING THAT DIDN'T SEEM RIGHT FOR ME.
I WANTED TO FIND OUT WHAT THE WORLD IS.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: IN 1969, MARLA WENT TRAVELING THROUGH ISRAEL AND EUROPE.
WHEN SHE CAME BACK TO AMERICA, SHE CHOSE A NOMADIC LIFESTYLE, TRAVELING ALL OVER CALIFORNIA AND NEVER STAYING IN ONE PLACE FOR TOO LONG.
I THINK I LEARNED THINGS THROUGH TRAVELING, AND I DON'T KNOW WHY I AM LIKE I AM; I JUST KNOW THAT EVERYBODY'S CREATED EQUAL, AND EVERYBODY DESERVES THE RIGHT TO BE WHO THEY ARE.
AND, YEAH, I'M JUST ME.
AND DON'T CHANGE.
YEAH, I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER CHANGE.
DON'T EVER CHANGE.
BUT I'M SO HAPPY THAT-- I DO-- THAT YOU ARE STILL MARLA.
I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER WITH MY LIFE TODAY, AND THAT WAS KIND OF THE START OF IT.
YOU WERE THERE.
WOW.
IT TOUCHES MY HEART.
AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SO ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.
DON'T CHANGE.
DON'T EVER, EVER, EVER CHANGE.
TOM: IT'S WONDERFUL THAT SHE HASN'T CHANGED, THAT SHE STILL HAS THAT...
ALMOST NAIVE QUALITY OF JUST SEEING THE WORLD THROUGH DIFFERENT GLASSES THAN YOU OR ME.
MARLA: I'M JUST SHOCKED TO REALIZE THAT I CAN MAKE THAT MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE.
I GUESS I'M JUST BLESSED NOT TO HAVE THIS HATRED OR DISCRIMINATION.
YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF THE WAY I WANT TO BE TREATED.
ANN, VOICE-OVER: HISTORY BOUND THESE PEOPLE TOGETHER WITH TIES STRONG ENOUGH TO SURVIVE DECADES OF SEPARATION.
NOW THAT THEY'VE FOUND EACH OTHER, A NEW CHAPTER CAN BEGIN.
PAUL, VOICE-OVER: 44 YEARS IS WAY TOO LONG TO WAIT TO TALK TO SOMEBODY.
I WANT TO STAY IN TOUCH WITH HIM, AND I'D LIKE TO KNOW HOW THE REST OF HIS LIFE UNFOLDS.
WAYNE, VOICE-OVER: I'M GLAD HE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TODAY TO COME OUT TO ME AFTER 44 YEARS.
[LAUGHS] MARLA, VOICE-OVER: I'D LOVE TO SEE TOM AGAIN BECAUSE HE'S BEEN A GREAT INFLUENCE IN MY LIFE.
TOM, VOICE-OVER: MARLA IS A ROLLING STONE THAT WILL JUST CONTINUE TO MOVE ALONG.
I HOPE THAT WE MAINTAIN COMMUNICATION IN THE FUTURE.
♪♪ ANNOUNCER: "WE'LL MEET AGAIN" IS AVAILABLE ON DVD.
TO ORDER, VISIT SHOPPBS.ORG OR CALL 1-800 PLAY-PBS.
ALSO AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD ON iTUNES.
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SHARE YOUR STORY AT PBS.ORG/MEETAGAIN.
Episode 6 Preview | Coming Out
Video has Closed Captions
Preview: S1 Ep6 | 30s | Join Ann Curry as those who met during the early days of the gay rights movement reunite. (30s)
Paul Visits the UNH Library to Search for Clues
Video has Closed Captions
Clip: S1 Ep6 | 3m 48s | Paul visits the UNH library to search for any clues to the current whereabouts of Wayne. (3m 48s)
Starting the First Gay Student Organization at UNH
Video has Closed Captions
Clip: S1 Ep6 | 3m 10s | Paul recounts how Wayne set up the first Gay Student Organization on campus. (3m 10s)
Tom Follows Clues to Northern California
Video has Closed Captions
Clip: S1 Ep6 | 3m 29s | Tom has followed clues to Klamath, California, and the last known whereabouts of Marla. (3m 29s)
Tom on Marla: 'She Accepted Me Unconditionally'
Video has Closed Captions
Clip: S1 Ep6 | 3m 40s | Tom tells Ann about his relationship with his high school friend Marla. (3m 40s)
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