Aditi Debnath for "Here& Now".

>> The concentric circles of trauma resulting from this week's shooting are most acute at the center for victims and Loved ones.

Then for the school community, the city, the region, and the state.

As people try to reconcile the horrible violence.

But how to do that?

Here to help Aaron Neill, a Madison psychotherapist specializing in trauma.

And thanks very much for being here.

me.

and loved ones of those killed experiencing right now?

And how do they ever move through that?

>> Yeah, I think it can be a little bit different for everyone.

Like you said, the people that are closest to it are going to have the most trouble right now.

I think just allowing all feelings.

Right.

Like there's probably grief loss for the loss of their friends and classmates.

There's confusion, anger, lots of lots of emotions, trauma wise.

You know, sometimes kids have nightmares.

They can like, kind of remember the scene that they saw if they were there.

And yeah, just also any experience they had, like having to leave the classroom quickly.

Right.

And all of that.

So just kind of kind of maybe reliving that, thinking about it more and maybe worrying about what happens next or, you know, going back to school eventually.

So, yeah, for sure.

>> So as to that school community, it's small.

>> It's really tight knit.

How does a group of people so close move through it themselves?

>> Yeah, I think actually that's an advantage for them.

Having that support of each other.

Right.

That they already are such a community.

They know each other.

They lean on each other.

So how do they move through it?

Like, yeah, being there for each other, having memorials, things that make meaning out of the tragedy.

And then the greater Madison community in Wisconsin, community also, Will wants to support them.

You know, and so figuring out how how to get that help to them too.

>> So there is this kind of collective heartache for all of us.

How are people to reconcile this in the midst of what should be a warm and loving holiday season?

>> That is a really good question.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know that there's a good answer for that right now.

I think, again, like I said, I want I hope that people can let themselves feel how they feel, grief.

As humans, we don't love to feel uncomfortable.

We don't love feeling grief, but it's okay to feel that right now and then.

Yeah, I think I see a lot of people really trying to figure out how do I make meaning, how do I honor the victims, how do I help the community?

You know, whether it's providing meals or church services, things like that that have happened and will continue.

>> How should parents talk about this with their children?

If at all?

>> I think you need to see where your child's at.

Obviously, parents should know their kids the best.

So I wouldn't I would say kids let kids lead the conversation.

Let them bring it up.

You know, check in with the, see how they're doing.

But yeah, I think in then notice.

Right.

Like, is there sleep different.

Are they eating different.

Are they, you know, is their play different for younger kids right.

Or teenagers.

More with when you notice that.

Ask them how are they doing.

You know and then explain things in a developmentally appropriate way.

Right.

Like it's also okay to share your feelings, right?

To say like this is scary.

This is confusing.

I do feel emotions, but parents need to keep control of their emotions too, right?

Because if you feel if you're out of control, if you're like sobbing and weeping and things, that's going to be hard for the kids.

They might feel like they have to take care of you.

So I think it's adults taking care of themselves as well, leaning on a partner or friends, and then sharing appropriate amounts of emotion with kids so that they can help share calm with kids too, and help them feel safe again.

>> How likely is it that the loss of a feeling of being safe at school, any school, touches families everywhere?

>> Yeah, I think that touches families everywhere.

I think you can see that when you're online and you know, I'm a parent, I have most of my friends are parents.

Like, we all this week then felt like, how do we drop our kids off at school the next day?

How do we.

Yeah, so I think it reaches everybody.

That feeling of are we safe?

>> What to do about that?

Anything.

>> It's tough.

Yes.

I think, you know, we have to, you know, contextualize it.

It is a random event.

And so that's hard to say.

Like this isn't going to happen here.

Right.

But it's unlikely that it's going to happen.

And we do things to keep ourselves safe.

We remind ourselves that we're safe in this moment.

You use things like grounding skills where you tap into your senses and say, okay, I'm here in this moment, I see, you know, a green tree, a green, you know, like kind of looking for things that are here in the present and knowing that you're safe here.

So, yeah.

>> All right.

Erin Neill, thanks >> All right.

Erin Neill, thanks